i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
