Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
