i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
