oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
