Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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