u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
