evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
