Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
