if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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