he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
