I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
