real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
