It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
