I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
