i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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