I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
