That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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