nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
