Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
