why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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