we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
