I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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