Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
