just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
