Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need moral support for this bender
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
