I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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