I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do vagina's smell?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
