her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize