Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
