just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
