He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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