All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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