dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
