I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
