dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
