Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
