If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
