Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
is that a dick in a sweater?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
