he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
