Fuck appropriateness.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
