..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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