He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
