I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
