i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
