I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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