was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
