how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
