i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize