would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
