i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
