I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
