I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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