i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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