i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
