I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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