If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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