I hate all girls vehemently.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
