I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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