if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
