so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
