the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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