Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
