he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
