Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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