i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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