you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
