its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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